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Effects of Helicopter Parenting, Embrace Negotiation Parenting

By Myros Allegre | 09/03/2017
Cupcake or Apple?

Decision-making is an important part of child development

Sometimes it can be difficult to let go of your authority and allow your child to have more say in decision-making. Decision-making, however, is an important part of your child’s journey to adulthood.

By using effective negotiation techniques, it can help your child learn to think through whatever it is that he or she wants and needs, and communicate those needs in a reasonable way.

Negotiation parenting is an alternative approach that will not only help your child understand other viewpoints, but it will also allow them to make good decisions. Helicopter parenting, on the other hand, will only lead to difficulty with problem-solving.

According to Indiana University psychologist Chris Meno, helicopter parenting lowers a child’s self-esteem levels, which in turn, increases their fear of failure.

Instead of barking orders, find common ground with your child. Negotiating doesn’t mean you have to compromise on things that you think are important, such as your child’s safety, well being, and cultural traditions.


Mom talking to her daughter

Successful negotiation begins with technique. Before you speak with your child, prepare what you’re going to say.

Once you’ve laid out an outline, use a calm and assuring voice to talk about the issue. Instead of reacting, simply say, “Let’s talk about this.” It’s important to actively listen to what your child has to say without interrupting. Show them that you understand, that you care, and that they are being both listened to and heard.

Once you’ve listened to your child’s case, express your views and ask your child to tell you more about theirs. For example, you could say, “I want you to have a good time with your friends, but I need to know where you’ll be and that you’ll be safe. So, could you tell me a little more about the bike ride?

Deliver your bottom line in a clear and concise way. Tell your child what options he or she has, but that you’re willing to compromise. For example, “I know you would like to paint your room black, but how about we just paint one wall black?” or you could ask, “Do you have another color in mind?”

Regardless of the situation, be sure to end it on a positive note. Thank your child for talking the issue through with you and let them know that you appreciate their maturity. This will encourage your child to come to you with other, more serious issues.